So, this is it. It's been coming for a while, just never got around to it.
The stories have been told, the messes have been made and dealt with. And now it is time to wrap up this blog.
But to wrap it up with anything less than flamboyance would be a waste of space. And so... to those that did matter, do matter, and continue to matter...
To My Queen... We'll always have O-Zone...
To Jennifer the Indestructable... Your young soul still warms my heart...
To Stu the Builder... May you find what it is your heart calls out for...
To all my Australian brethren... I miss you all so very much...
To the strangest german neko I ever had the pleasure to know... keep it as real as you can...
And finally, to the cutest, the craziest, the warmest, the coldest, the most wise, and the most confused kitten I ever held in my arms... May you finally find peace...
I've learned all I can, I have seen all I dare, I have experienced and touched and felt a part of.
And now to return to the world outside with that which I have learned.
May you always know peace, love and good fortune.
END TRANS
07 September, 2009
02 February, 2009
Turn The Page
I hinted last post at something I had been writing about letting go of old ideas. I was planning to finish it days ago and put it up, but I am quite glad I didn't. If I had, I would have had to write a followup to it, based on the events of the last several days.
Spanks and I have had quite an eventful week. To put it in those terms seems an understatement. I am quite grateful for this past week, because of the growth I've experienced personally, and the growth we've experienced together.
And a page has been turned.
Its a simple phrase,really but it says so much. To turn the page is to progress in the story, to find out what happens next. To turn the page indicates that you are ready to move on, move forward and explore. I've turned a page this week. We've turned a page as well. Its an incredible feeling.
There's so much more to turning the page than the words relay. Just like when you are reading a good book, you can't turn the page until you've finished the page you are on, else you lose the feeling, the continuity, the rhythm of the story. And so I and we could not turn the page in our growth and our experiences until we were done with the page that we were on.
This may start to sound to some that we have gone thru a breakup or a hard and difficult argument or something else of a negative tone. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, we are closer now than when the week began. My eyes have been opened to all the incredible possibilities that make themselves known when you are willing to let go of old ideas, and embrace the new ones. We've had no less than three incredibly deep conversations over the past seven days, in conjunction with several smaller, but no less important ones along the way. In each of these deep conversations we opened up to one another at the same starting point: Open, Honest and Direct conversation. No holding back or mincing words; no accusations; no shouting or raised voices. Just a simple and direct exchange of thoughts and ideas. We cleared up so much between us and cleared the way ahead so that we could actually turn the page today. And turn the page we did.
I had an experience following a fairly deep conversation we had on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was one of the most painful experiences I've ever known. It was painful not because of anyone or anything outside of my own terribly outdated ideas and constrained views. I found myself in a position where I had to stare at those dark feelings that we all have in relationships. I had to stare at them because, as someone wrote recently, "the only way out is in". I stared and felt and wrapped myself in those horrific, gut-wrenching feelings until I was on par with them. I dug and I scratched and I ripped at them until I got to those hidden feelings buried deep, deep, deep down below.
When I did that, I felt...
I can only say, I felt...
free.
I experienced a feeling of freedom that I hadn't known in nearly a decade. A kind of freedom that only comes from submitting to your fears and surrendering to those desires that hide so deep inside you. Those feelings that you dare not look at or reveal to anyone, let alone yourself for fear of embarassment, retrobution, abandonment, disgust or any of those other things that we fear will make us different, and are used by so many people and things to keep us in a constant state of conformity and forced bondage.
And passion. Oh, the passion I found there in that hiding place! An imense and endless well, a flowing wild river of hot-blooded passion for my beloved and all that he is and all that he'll ever experience. Passion that cannot be described, cannot be foretold, cannot be relayed. It must be felt. Deep down within your very soul. Passion that only one person can feel for another. Not the passion that flows above ground when you first fall in love. No, even that great river is but a trickle compared to the wild rapids of heated abandon that flow beneath the surface. The surface hidden by heaps of old ideas of conformity and disgusting feelings that serve only to bind us into loveless, sexless servitude. The surface which must be dug thru, clawed thru, with your own bare, bleeding hands.
And the only way out is in.
Again, such simple words which hide such an incredibly powerful idea. A new, fresh idea.
Thank you, baby boy. Thank you for showing me the way. I love you more than I can ever truly say. My passion flows upon you, a gift of my soul. I am cleansed in your beauty, sated in your smile, reborne in your touch.
A page has been turned.
=^+.+^= Dari
P.S. This clip is a memory I hold from the finale of one of the most incredibly written series I've ever known - Babylon 5. It is the final moments of B5, and her crew are taking one last look around before she is put to rest. The moment was done so beautifully, and is so powerful, that only it can describe how I feel about the passing thru the barrier of my old concepts and ideas. Do not judge. Do not criticize. Only experience and take from it what you may.
- Dari
Spanks and I have had quite an eventful week. To put it in those terms seems an understatement. I am quite grateful for this past week, because of the growth I've experienced personally, and the growth we've experienced together.
And a page has been turned.
Its a simple phrase,really but it says so much. To turn the page is to progress in the story, to find out what happens next. To turn the page indicates that you are ready to move on, move forward and explore. I've turned a page this week. We've turned a page as well. Its an incredible feeling.
There's so much more to turning the page than the words relay. Just like when you are reading a good book, you can't turn the page until you've finished the page you are on, else you lose the feeling, the continuity, the rhythm of the story. And so I and we could not turn the page in our growth and our experiences until we were done with the page that we were on.
This may start to sound to some that we have gone thru a breakup or a hard and difficult argument or something else of a negative tone. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, we are closer now than when the week began. My eyes have been opened to all the incredible possibilities that make themselves known when you are willing to let go of old ideas, and embrace the new ones. We've had no less than three incredibly deep conversations over the past seven days, in conjunction with several smaller, but no less important ones along the way. In each of these deep conversations we opened up to one another at the same starting point: Open, Honest and Direct conversation. No holding back or mincing words; no accusations; no shouting or raised voices. Just a simple and direct exchange of thoughts and ideas. We cleared up so much between us and cleared the way ahead so that we could actually turn the page today. And turn the page we did.
I had an experience following a fairly deep conversation we had on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was one of the most painful experiences I've ever known. It was painful not because of anyone or anything outside of my own terribly outdated ideas and constrained views. I found myself in a position where I had to stare at those dark feelings that we all have in relationships. I had to stare at them because, as someone wrote recently, "the only way out is in". I stared and felt and wrapped myself in those horrific, gut-wrenching feelings until I was on par with them. I dug and I scratched and I ripped at them until I got to those hidden feelings buried deep, deep, deep down below.
When I did that, I felt...
I can only say, I felt...
free.
I experienced a feeling of freedom that I hadn't known in nearly a decade. A kind of freedom that only comes from submitting to your fears and surrendering to those desires that hide so deep inside you. Those feelings that you dare not look at or reveal to anyone, let alone yourself for fear of embarassment, retrobution, abandonment, disgust or any of those other things that we fear will make us different, and are used by so many people and things to keep us in a constant state of conformity and forced bondage.
And passion. Oh, the passion I found there in that hiding place! An imense and endless well, a flowing wild river of hot-blooded passion for my beloved and all that he is and all that he'll ever experience. Passion that cannot be described, cannot be foretold, cannot be relayed. It must be felt. Deep down within your very soul. Passion that only one person can feel for another. Not the passion that flows above ground when you first fall in love. No, even that great river is but a trickle compared to the wild rapids of heated abandon that flow beneath the surface. The surface hidden by heaps of old ideas of conformity and disgusting feelings that serve only to bind us into loveless, sexless servitude. The surface which must be dug thru, clawed thru, with your own bare, bleeding hands.
And the only way out is in.
Again, such simple words which hide such an incredibly powerful idea. A new, fresh idea.
Thank you, baby boy. Thank you for showing me the way. I love you more than I can ever truly say. My passion flows upon you, a gift of my soul. I am cleansed in your beauty, sated in your smile, reborne in your touch.
A page has been turned.
=^+.+^= Dari
P.S. This clip is a memory I hold from the finale of one of the most incredibly written series I've ever known - Babylon 5. It is the final moments of B5, and her crew are taking one last look around before she is put to rest. The moment was done so beautifully, and is so powerful, that only it can describe how I feel about the passing thru the barrier of my old concepts and ideas. Do not judge. Do not criticize. Only experience and take from it what you may.
- Dari
27 January, 2009
Timeless
I'm doing my best to keep this log up to date and keep it going, for I believe it is a great way for me to expand my understanding of my experiences within SecondLife. I was planning to write something that I recently discovered about myself when it comes to letting go of old ideas. I was in the middle of writing it (and I promise I will publish it when its finished) when I became quite taken with something that Spanks wrote today (or rather yesterday) on his own blog. It had to do with Einstein, time travel, and the complexities therein, as well as what Einstein would have thought about SL.
I became so very intrigued with his post that I quickly forgot all about my own, and lost my train of thought. All of a sudden it didn't seem so important. That's how powerful his words can be, and just another in the plethora of reasons why I love him so.
There are so many things I could say to expand on his topic, so many directions I could go with it, but to be honest what he said was quite moving and I can't think of a thing to add, other than the video below. Its a clip from one of my favorite all-time science fiction series, Babylon 5. It was written by a man named Joe Straczynski, a most incredible writer and creative soul who I have had the honor of meeting once in my life. His writing style is unbelievably subtle, and his story arcs within B5 are to be reverred. This clip, which is two scenes put together for reference purposes, has a monologue given by the character G'Kar, played by the late, great Andreas Katsulas who passed beyond the rim just over a year ago. Spanks' blog post immediately made me think of G'Kar's words, again a tribute to the power of his own.
May these words have as much an effect on you as they did me - Dari
I became so very intrigued with his post that I quickly forgot all about my own, and lost my train of thought. All of a sudden it didn't seem so important. That's how powerful his words can be, and just another in the plethora of reasons why I love him so.
There are so many things I could say to expand on his topic, so many directions I could go with it, but to be honest what he said was quite moving and I can't think of a thing to add, other than the video below. Its a clip from one of my favorite all-time science fiction series, Babylon 5. It was written by a man named Joe Straczynski, a most incredible writer and creative soul who I have had the honor of meeting once in my life. His writing style is unbelievably subtle, and his story arcs within B5 are to be reverred. This clip, which is two scenes put together for reference purposes, has a monologue given by the character G'Kar, played by the late, great Andreas Katsulas who passed beyond the rim just over a year ago. Spanks' blog post immediately made me think of G'Kar's words, again a tribute to the power of his own.
May these words have as much an effect on you as they did me - Dari
17 January, 2009
House Proud!
I haven't posted yet this week, but I am exhausted so this will be short but very, very sweet!
So we went shopping for boots today. And we did find boots for Spanks which is good!
But then as we are strolling along in this neko/goth/punk sim called Hells End, wandering and window shopping we came upon this at the end of the street...
So we went shopping for boots today. And we did find boots for Spanks which is good!
But then as we are strolling along in this neko/goth/punk sim called Hells End, wandering and window shopping we came upon this at the end of the street...
... and we both fell in love with it immediately! I ask you, is this not the bestest cottage you ever saw in your SecondLife?
Such wonderful ideas came to mind as we are looking it over and Spanks is taking pictures (and I'm crashing for like the 10th time LOL).
We found out who had built it and ran there immediately. The guy is named Maxwell Graf in SL and he runs Rustica, which can be found here on the region of the same name. If you are looking for incredibly detailed builds of olde world craftsman-type creations (think english countryside, Victorian or even Elizabethan era) then you HAVE TO pay him a visit. He says he's always there, and I'll tell you. When we went to have a look at this masterpiece and pick it up for ourselves, he was right there at the TP spot to greet us and answer our questions.
A word of warning, though: Its a heavy lag sim, and its easy to get lost. Do NOT go there if your system is low power unless you set your graphics to Low! If you are looking for the houses and castles (such as this gorgeous piece of work, which is called the Carriageway House) remember: Head South!
Oh, he is also having a special for those who buy one of these beautiful cottages, as it is just brand new to his line and he's looking to promote it. If you buy one, you get 30% off, up to L$10,000 on any furniture you purchase for it! How cool is that?
And let me tell you this... I do NOT promote every product I run across in SL. This one is very special. Spanks and I just laid down on the master bedroom floor, in front of the hearth with a warm fire (discovered when you burn a fire in the fireplace, it actually makes smoke out of the stack at the same time! OMFG!) after we bought it and set it up, just admiring it and chatting away until kitteh nap-time. It truly feels like a second home, to the both of us. And if you've ever seen where we live, you know that is saying something BIG!
I will definitely miss the castle which this replaces. I have so many beautiful memories of that place. So many wonderful experiences that we shared... <*sighs*>
And I know this new and beautiful creation will serve to help create even more beautiful memories and incredible experiences for us! Welcome to our sim, Carriageway House!
Anyway, I had to share this with you all before I hit the sheets. Tomorrow is promising to be another special day with my beautiful boy, and I don't want to miss one second of it!
Peace and Out! - Dari
P.S. - This one's for us, love! =^..^=
Such wonderful ideas came to mind as we are looking it over and Spanks is taking pictures (and I'm crashing for like the 10th time LOL).
We found out who had built it and ran there immediately. The guy is named Maxwell Graf in SL and he runs Rustica, which can be found here on the region of the same name. If you are looking for incredibly detailed builds of olde world craftsman-type creations (think english countryside, Victorian or even Elizabethan era) then you HAVE TO pay him a visit. He says he's always there, and I'll tell you. When we went to have a look at this masterpiece and pick it up for ourselves, he was right there at the TP spot to greet us and answer our questions.
A word of warning, though: Its a heavy lag sim, and its easy to get lost. Do NOT go there if your system is low power unless you set your graphics to Low! If you are looking for the houses and castles (such as this gorgeous piece of work, which is called the Carriageway House) remember: Head South!
Oh, he is also having a special for those who buy one of these beautiful cottages, as it is just brand new to his line and he's looking to promote it. If you buy one, you get 30% off, up to L$10,000 on any furniture you purchase for it! How cool is that?
And let me tell you this... I do NOT promote every product I run across in SL. This one is very special. Spanks and I just laid down on the master bedroom floor, in front of the hearth with a warm fire (discovered when you burn a fire in the fireplace, it actually makes smoke out of the stack at the same time! OMFG!) after we bought it and set it up, just admiring it and chatting away until kitteh nap-time. It truly feels like a second home, to the both of us. And if you've ever seen where we live, you know that is saying something BIG!
I will definitely miss the castle which this replaces. I have so many beautiful memories of that place. So many wonderful experiences that we shared... <*sighs*>
And I know this new and beautiful creation will serve to help create even more beautiful memories and incredible experiences for us! Welcome to our sim, Carriageway House!
Anyway, I had to share this with you all before I hit the sheets. Tomorrow is promising to be another special day with my beautiful boy, and I don't want to miss one second of it!
Peace and Out! - Dari
P.S. - This one's for us, love! =^..^=
14 January, 2009
Revenge... Sweet Bloody Revenge
Those who know will understand...
...those who do not will not.
Just ask.
...those who do not will not.
Just ask.
09 January, 2009
Lucky Number Seven
As the sun sets on yet another SL day, I sit here naked and alone...
No, not depressed, not upset, not angry...
Just like that. Naked and Alone. But with one difference.
I'm sitting with a smile on my face.
And no, it isn't for the reasons you are thinking of, you big pervs...
I am sitting here naked and alone, because technology has apparently turned evil once again and has kept my beloved offline for the last two hours, right at one of the worst possible moments, as per usual. By now he's fast asleep, at least I hope he is. It is very late for him right now, and he's had quite a full day.
Now as for the smile on my face...
I came to realize, sitting here in the living room, naked and alone in front of the fire, while hoping against all hope that the Internet Gods would smile down, that today is a very special Friday. As have been the previous six Fridays been very special Fridays.
You see, it was seven weeks ago today that I fell in love with my beautiful Spanks. Seven weeks ago today that he and I danced together for the first time on the gazebo for hours and hours. Seven weeks ago today that I gave him my heart, and he gave me his. We have been together for seven long, glorious weeks. Nearly two full months. 49 whole days and nights. Its a dream come true. And every day has been special, unique, and in its own way glorious.
Have we had our problems? Yes. Have we had slings and arrows? Definitely. Have we had our ups and our downs? Absolutely. And are we still together?
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, we are. Without a doubt. 7 weeks and still going strong!
I love you more and more each day, Spanks. You are my sun, my moon, and all the stars above. But more than anything else, you are my lover, my friend, my confidant and my partner. With trust, communication, and honesty, together there's nothing we can't get through.
This one's for you love. Happy 7 Weeks!
--- Dari
No, not depressed, not upset, not angry...
Just like that. Naked and Alone. But with one difference.
I'm sitting with a smile on my face.
And no, it isn't for the reasons you are thinking of, you big pervs...
I am sitting here naked and alone, because technology has apparently turned evil once again and has kept my beloved offline for the last two hours, right at one of the worst possible moments, as per usual. By now he's fast asleep, at least I hope he is. It is very late for him right now, and he's had quite a full day.
Now as for the smile on my face...
I came to realize, sitting here in the living room, naked and alone in front of the fire, while hoping against all hope that the Internet Gods would smile down, that today is a very special Friday. As have been the previous six Fridays been very special Fridays.
You see, it was seven weeks ago today that I fell in love with my beautiful Spanks. Seven weeks ago today that he and I danced together for the first time on the gazebo for hours and hours. Seven weeks ago today that I gave him my heart, and he gave me his. We have been together for seven long, glorious weeks. Nearly two full months. 49 whole days and nights. Its a dream come true. And every day has been special, unique, and in its own way glorious.
Have we had our problems? Yes. Have we had slings and arrows? Definitely. Have we had our ups and our downs? Absolutely. And are we still together?
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, we are. Without a doubt. 7 weeks and still going strong!
I love you more and more each day, Spanks. You are my sun, my moon, and all the stars above. But more than anything else, you are my lover, my friend, my confidant and my partner. With trust, communication, and honesty, together there's nothing we can't get through.
This one's for you love. Happy 7 Weeks!
--- Dari
08 January, 2009
The In Between Moment
I'm right now in the middle of writing a very special story for a very special someone and have found that I really do need a break or else I'm never gonna finish it. (If you don't understand that statement, feel free to ask!)
So I thought I'd take a moment and do another kind of writing for a bit. Its been a few days since my last update and I know you are all just dying to hear what's been going on. Right? You are right? ... hello? Anyone out there? IS THIS THING ON?
Anyhow...
The last few days have been pretty good ones. RL has been somewhat taxing in its own right, drawing me away from my SL time, which I don't care for much at all. A good deal of my SL time has been spent trying to help Jennifer and Stuart resolve the problems they are now facing.
Interestingly enough, the problem they now face was something that Spanks and I discussed at some length this evening in regard to us: the separation between our SL and RL lives. It was something we hadn't really discussed before in great detail, and something I was afraid would come up eventually, as it usually does within serious SL relationships (as has been proven to me again and again by the people around me). I would like to think that I was as clear as he was about my viewpoint on the matter, though I'm not quite sure I was. Hopefully he understands how I feel and knows that he and I do indeed share the same view. I was a bit caught up in the topic at the time, and what I was saying may have been taken to mean something completely different. It has happened before, with devistating results. I don't ever want that to happen again.
As I sat there listening to him, I came to realize that we both see things the same way, and for very similar reasons. I hadn't yet been able to explain to him the reasons behind why I reached the same conclusion that he did as far as relationships, as it is still something that haunts me to this day. I was able to discuss it with someone close to me who is well aware of my past later on, and I feel I'm ready to tell Spanks. He deserves to know, and to know that once again he is not alone when it comes to how he feels.
Confused? You should be if you weren't there for the conversation! (silly readers)
And if you are wondering: No, my feelings toward my beloved have not changed. If anything, once again I feel closer to him. He is still my beautiful soulmate and I love him more than he'll ever know.
Later on I spent some time with Jennifer and helped her make a decision of a new land parcel. I hope she decides to go for it. She really needs time away from Stuart so she can get things clear in her own head.
Afterwards I just managed to make it to the debut of DJ Mirah at a club called Sodom (great name, yea?) in-world. I was only there for maybe 20 minutes but I almost immediately liked the place. Its well run, they have good dancers (they are looking for more dancers by the way, if anyone is interested) and the host was very good at his job. I even won a few Linden from the 'sploder, which never happens!
The rest of the evening has been spent finishing this very special story I told you about. Its just about ready to be handed over and enjoyed. I really hope the person its going to likes it. It has my heart and soul all thru it. I'm writing again like I used to, thanks to this very special person.
Well, back to it. I can't wait to see what I'm going to write next!
Until next time --- Dari
P.S. - This song's for you, love
So I thought I'd take a moment and do another kind of writing for a bit. Its been a few days since my last update and I know you are all just dying to hear what's been going on. Right? You are right? ... hello? Anyone out there? IS THIS THING ON?
Anyhow...
The last few days have been pretty good ones. RL has been somewhat taxing in its own right, drawing me away from my SL time, which I don't care for much at all. A good deal of my SL time has been spent trying to help Jennifer and Stuart resolve the problems they are now facing.
Interestingly enough, the problem they now face was something that Spanks and I discussed at some length this evening in regard to us: the separation between our SL and RL lives. It was something we hadn't really discussed before in great detail, and something I was afraid would come up eventually, as it usually does within serious SL relationships (as has been proven to me again and again by the people around me). I would like to think that I was as clear as he was about my viewpoint on the matter, though I'm not quite sure I was. Hopefully he understands how I feel and knows that he and I do indeed share the same view. I was a bit caught up in the topic at the time, and what I was saying may have been taken to mean something completely different. It has happened before, with devistating results. I don't ever want that to happen again.
As I sat there listening to him, I came to realize that we both see things the same way, and for very similar reasons. I hadn't yet been able to explain to him the reasons behind why I reached the same conclusion that he did as far as relationships, as it is still something that haunts me to this day. I was able to discuss it with someone close to me who is well aware of my past later on, and I feel I'm ready to tell Spanks. He deserves to know, and to know that once again he is not alone when it comes to how he feels.
Confused? You should be if you weren't there for the conversation! (silly readers)
And if you are wondering: No, my feelings toward my beloved have not changed. If anything, once again I feel closer to him. He is still my beautiful soulmate and I love him more than he'll ever know.
Later on I spent some time with Jennifer and helped her make a decision of a new land parcel. I hope she decides to go for it. She really needs time away from Stuart so she can get things clear in her own head.
Afterwards I just managed to make it to the debut of DJ Mirah at a club called Sodom (great name, yea?) in-world. I was only there for maybe 20 minutes but I almost immediately liked the place. Its well run, they have good dancers (they are looking for more dancers by the way, if anyone is interested) and the host was very good at his job. I even won a few Linden from the 'sploder, which never happens!
The rest of the evening has been spent finishing this very special story I told you about. Its just about ready to be handed over and enjoyed. I really hope the person its going to likes it. It has my heart and soul all thru it. I'm writing again like I used to, thanks to this very special person.
Well, back to it. I can't wait to see what I'm going to write next!
Until next time --- Dari
P.S. - This song's for you, love
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